So…where the fuck was Tony eating at with bootleg FBI Wi-Fi Chatter?
Also, the days of him just showing up at the last minute seem to be all but over.
Yeah, it seems like Tony was just kickin’ it at some cafe the whole time.
At least they finally showed that people in the 24 universe actually EAT from time to time. Man. If I were Jack Bauer, I’d be starving all day long. I wonder how he even manages to fight people.
- James
Did we see Tony eat anything? It looked like he was just hanging out there.
And yeah, staying awake for 24 hours with no food, water, or restroom in that kind of mental state must take it out of you so hard, but I guess it is only one day. Survivorman manages to pull it off.
Well, maybe we can assume he just finished eating? 
I remember him eating something, but my memory may be cloudy… wouldn’t make sense, unless he talked with his mouth full.
Still, Season 6 was the big one. That was when Jack came back from being tortured FOREVER by the Chinese. You can imagine they only gave him enough food to stay alive. Then, he managed to do another 24 session kicking ass all over the place.
Of course, most people believe that Jack gained all his strength back after going Vampire on that one guard as Count Jackula. It was straight up Demitri recharge. Hahahaha.
- James
Damn, I told you all…Bauer vs. Quinn…SO GOOD.
See, even Bauer is into SF4…now he has an Ultra combo on top of all his previous moves. :lol:
Hmm…can someone provide me with his movelist from all the previous seasons? I’m gonna see if I can make a pic. I know there’s the Teleport Punch and the Flying Neckbreaker, and the Bauer Smirk, but what were the other names?
Epic fight. That was awesome, Dr. Quinn got bulldozed then HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN’D!!!
^_-;
Memorable Bauer kills over the seasons have been:
S1: Kills a guy after giving him a heart attack (punch to chest). I think he killed Ira Gaines after a Mexican standoff.
S2: Decapitation although technically the guy was already dead. You already know about the wall jump neck break.
S3: Mostly standard kills by firearm. Good ones were killing Nina Meyers and Ryan Chappelle execution style. A good POTENTIAL kill would have been if Jack had thrown Saunders’ daughter into the virus infected hotel.
S4: Broken neck and a couple of knife kills but I think the best one was getting the doctor to leave Paul Raines to die while in mid-surgery.
S5: Blew a guy up with a cell phone. Dr. “Hank” with a pair of scissors. A couple more knife kills. Kills one guy with steam and breaks Bierko’s neck using his legs.
S6: Vampire bite. Killed a Russian after comboing with his belt. Couple more broken necks. The Fayed chain kill and lots of exploding barrels.
Redemption: Killed Dubaku’s brother with a broken neck but used only one leg this time.
S7: Vossler knife counter and Quinn.
In regards to the not eating part. Kiefer Sutherland endorses CalorieMates in Japan, so I just figure Bauer just eats one of those during a commercial break, is offscreen or whenever he’s in a car driving somewhere.
I’ve had one of those. They’re so dense and so dry (and suck).
I thought Jack had somehow rigged the building to explode, but then he comes out of no where with a bulldozer. That fight with Quinn was awesome.
You silly kids. Bauer doesn’t need to eat, because he feeds off kicking terrorist ass. Every terrorist he kills is like a prime rib dinner, with garlic mashed potatoes and a frosty brew to wash it down.
Anyway, BAUER POWER HOUR!
Stupid shit first. CITIZEN KANE is forced to admit to PRESIDENT SKIRT that thanks to his decision, EVIL SCREECH is dead, apparently at the hands of THE BAUER. FIRST BITCH gives him ICY GLARE OF THE SANDY VAGINA. Later, some press weasel tries to muscle up on CITIZEN KANE with his knowledge of the day’s events! CITIZEN KANE realizes that FIRST BITCH is behind it, but after confronting her she simply denies everything and ASHURA WARPS OUT. KANE brings the matter to SKIRT, but FIRST BITCH had her bases covering proving the leak didn’t come from the White House! KANE is forced to back down looking foolish…but we all know what’s up. FIRST BITCH is on some SERIOUS SHIN SHERRY SHIT (try saying that 5 times fast!). She’s jockeying to become the NEW DIRTIEST PLAYER IN THE GAME.
Meanwhile, back at BAYSIDE TECH, EVIL SLATER gets a call from MEDICINE MAN QUINN letting him know that EVIL SCREECH is dead but THE BAUER has survived! EVIL SLATER starts to get a little pussy-footed, so EVIL PRINCIPAL BELDING beats him over the head with a little “we’re right motherfucker!” PEP TALK.
At the FBI, MAN-CHLOE is pressuring DARIA-CHLOE over the fate of TRUE CHLOE. DARIA-CHLOE reveals that she’s in THE LOCK UP (note how MAN-CHLOE wasn’t even that surprised…doesn’t CHLOE get locked up at least once a season now?) and has him cool his heels in the conference room.
THE BAUER escapes from THE FEDS and thanks to some 24 DEUS EX MACHINA, happens to find a car with someone’s nice new Macbook just conveniently left inside! HOW CONVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEENT. [/Church Lady] He extends his PSYCHO PIMP FIELD and once again enlists SCARLETT to do his bidding to look up MEDICINE MAN QUINN. SCARLETT finds out that he worked for BAYSIDE TECH, and that RED FOREMAN had been investigating them. SCARLETT sends BAUER RED FOREMAN’S info. Just then, BUTTHURT comes and makes all friendly with THE SCARLETT, but afterwards realizes that she’s been in contact with THE BAUER! I don’t think BUTTHURT is plugged into the PSYCHO FORCE anymore, so either the BUTTHURT FORCE is really good at catching people in lies, or he could tell from the smell of SCARLETT’S WET PANTIES that she’d been in recent contact with THE PSYCHO ONE.
DARIA-CHLOE tries to unlock SCARLETT’S LOVE MAIL, but is unable to do so. Knowing that CHLOE would eat glass for THE PASSION OF THE PSYCHO, BUTTHURT and DARIA-CHLOE decide to tap MAN-CHLOE for the job. MAN-CHLOE initially resists, but BUTTHURT threatens to send his wifey UP DIS REEVER, and after looking at DARIA-CHLOE’S FLACCID CYBER PENIS, he decides to BITCH OUT (again!) and locate BAUER!
…You guys think CHLOE and MAN-CHLOE’s pillow talk is all about decrypting algorithms? I do.
Predictably, CHLOE is angered, telling MAN-CHLOE that she would gladly EAT GLASS if it were for THE PSYCHO ONE. MAN-CHLOE realizes he will probably spend tonight cracking passwords for THE BANG BUS on the couch!
THE BAUER goes to see RED FOREMAN, and tries to find the link between BAYSIDE TECH and THE CANDYMAN. Meanwhile, RED FOREMAN tries to play a little DR. PHIL on THE PSYCHO ONE. BAUER discovers that BAYSIDE TECH is going all RESIDENT EVIL with the biological weapons! Just then, the PO PO arrive, and RED FOREMAN starts playing a little GOOD FATHER, offering to help and protect BAUER. BAUER starts to feel a little ERIC FOREMAN-ISH and agrees to do it RED’s way…but the PO PO end up being MEDICINE MAN QUINN, who kills RED FOREMAN and chases after BAUER!
…BUTTHURT may have said it out of BUTTHURTEDNESS, but he did have a point - the life expectancy for TEAM PSYCHO members is incredibly short. RED’s whole 5 minutes sure isn’t going to help the median here.
MM QUINN chases BAUER to a construction site, following BAUER into a trailer, and then shooting it up. And that would have been an awfully genious plan…HAD BAUER NOT JACKED A FUCKING BULLDOZER. BAUER goes DEVASTATOR on the trailer, then jumps into B-GROOVE for a little fisticuffs with MM QUINN. MM QUINN does pretty well despite getting nailed by several PSYCHO FLYING SLAMS, but is eventually peaced out by Knife Attack juggled into ULTRA! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEEEEEE ULTIMATE PSYCHO! BAUER WINS!
BAUER determines where the UMBRELLA WEAPONS are going to arrive, and puts out the call to DARTH ALMEIDA to reform OG TEAM PSYCHO and stop the REVERSE RESIDENT EVIL 5 from going down! Meanwhile, BUTTHURT arrives at the senator’s house to find him shot up, and immediately assumes that it was BAUER who did it! Things are gonna get a lot worse before they get better!
…You know though, out of all the wild and crazy terrorist plots we’ve seen over the years, I think the most unbelieveable part of the show is how people just don’t believe in BAUER. I mean, the very least they could do is read his file. “Oh look, we chased him for doing all these terrible things, but it turns out he was the only one who was right and he saved America. And hey, this happened 6 times before. But nah, we’re SURE of it this time, now he’s really gone bad!” I mean, honestly. If I were SKIRT, I’d just tell BAUER “do your thing, man” and go take a PRESIDENTAL NAP. Of course, we’d have to rename the series from “24” to like “5” or so…BUT WHAT A GLORIOUS 5 HOURS IT WOULD BE.
Anyway, will BAUER and DARTH ALMEIDA be able to save the very country that wants to imprison them? Will FIRST BITCH ever get all that sand outta her vagina? Which porn will MAN-CHLOE turn to to soothe his battered conscious? We’ll find out next week!
Nah, that’s not Jack’s style. Jack always prefers people alive to get information out of them first and won’t kill unless threatened.
Laughing…so…hard… 
Awesome. Pure awesome.
And BadMojo, I forget the season, but you cannot forget about EJECTION KICK when Bauer launches the terrorist with the bomb out the back window of the subway train.
Also, after the Fayed Chain hanging and the Screwdriver toss, I’m starting to think Jack Bauer learned a lot of moves from Rolento. Knife Toss, hanging Fayed Trip Wire style… I now wanna see Jack Bauer pick up a stick and beat someone senseless with it while shouting “THRA THRA THRA!!!”
- James
Aww he left my favorite part out from last weeks episode.
When the senator died jack’s face was like, “fuccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk”.
It’s funny because it’s soooo fucking true.
I’m conflicted on how to rank Juma’s slap of Taylor. The recap ending with it during Bill’s swan song skyrocketed its value by a couple of RICK JAMES’s.
Obviously I’m comparing this to Curtis punching the shit outta Mandy in S4. That was just…unblockable.
Tony was just finishing a cup of tea. Wonder why he told Jack to “Wait”. Post-BRIDE BOOTY CALL?!
i got an infraction in this thread. Someone tell me how to post the spoilers button so it doesn’t happen again . Thank you.
Quote someone with a spoiler tag and follow from there.