WARNING
The following story is exremely long…it’s over my events this past weekend coming out…I don’t expect anyone to read the whole thing, but I thought it would be nice to document it, and maybe read it many many years from now…I have saved this, and hopefully will not lose it. It was a rollercoaster of emotions this past weekend…but I’m glad I did what I did.
/WARNING
Well I did it. I came out to the most important people in my family. The only people that knew, like I said before, are two cousins and my dad (my dad I did NOT want to tell…but due to circumstances I had to), but it’s never been brought up again with my dad, and he does not know about my 55yo BF.
I went to my aunt’s house, and the whole day I was just really nervous. My cousin there knows about me, and I told him I wanted to come out. At first I asked him if he could be with me when I told her. It was about 11pm and I hadn’t done anything. Then my cousin left with a friend to eat. Later he called me and asked me what I was going to do…I said I wasn’t sure yet. As soon as I hung up I called my aunt outside and told her…
First about being gay…it was so hard to start the conversation…I was shaking, and she said whatever it is you don’t have to tell me now if you’re shaking like that. I kind of wanted to cry but held back. Finally I got the courage to tell her, and she seemed a little in awe. She kind of had tears in her eyes too. She was asking if I was confused, and if I was sure. I told her I was, that I have known since I was 13, and have gone through a shitload since then. It’s not that she was trying to get me to say otherwise, she just wanted to make sure.
Then I told her I had been going out there (where they live…which is where my BF lives and my hometown) EVERY weekend for over two years…but I always lied, and probably only visited them like once or twice every 6 months. I told her it’s cause that’s where my BF was. One of her sons works at best buy and saw me one time and told his family that he saw me…my cousin that knows about me told me that it happened, so I mentioned to my aunt that’s why he saw me there.
Lastly I had to tell her that my BF was older than her, my dad, basically most of my uncles and aunts. Again, there was awe, but she asked me if he was taking advantage of me or anything, because I was young. I told her no, that we had been together for 3 years, and even before that I had always liked older men…I don’t know why. She said, maybe you feel security that you’ve never had, since you’ve never been close to your father. I said I don’t know, but that’s just how I feel, and I’m fine with it.
The whole time we were holding hands and both kind of in tears…not of sadness, but just it was hard for me to tell her all this, and it was hard for her to realize all this. She has been my closest aunt ever. When I was growing up in Mexico they lived a few blocks from me, and my mom worked all day, so I would spend all my afternoons with them. Once I moved to the US where my dad lived (my parents have been divorced since I was like 1), that aunt and my cousins moved to the US to be with their husband/father, and lived near me once again…not blocks away, but like 20 minutes away. Anyways, we’re really close.
She asked me if she wanted me for her to tell all my cousins…but I realized that it wasn’t something that she should have to do, and put pressure on her…so I said no. She asked me if my mom knew, and I said no…she asked me why I had told her first instead of my mom. I told her that since I moved to the US she had been the closest thing to my mom there. Sure, I spoke to my mom on the phone, and saw her during vacations in Mexico, but she was closer to me there, and it was hard for me to randomly call up my mom just to tell her that…she understood. I then told her that I don’t have to hide this from anybody. All my friends/coworkers/ etc. know about me and Don, and have even met him and hung out with us. But I only had to hide it from my family, because of the whole Hispanic machismo thing, and because no one else in the family is gay so I didn’t know what the reaction would be.
Then what she said totally made coming out really worth it.
“Actually…there’s someone else in the family that is gay.” I just stood there with my eyes wide open, and I couldn’t believe it…I asked if it was an uncle, and she said yeah…your uncle so and so, but only my aunts and uncles knew about it. I would have never suspected that said uncle was…but then again I didn’t know him very well. He eventually moved to the US as well, and when he came to visit my aunt I never got a chance to see him. When we all lived in Mexico he lived there too, he was married and had twin daughters. We would all get together in gatherings and such, but I was really young. All I remember is that they got divorced, but they would all be at the gatherings still. Since I hadn’t seen him in probably 10 years, I had no idea…the best part about this is that he actually lives in Los Angeles, so he’s like 20 minutes from me. (which is nothing, since I drive 2 hours back and forth to my hometown every weekend).
Well then we went back inside and everyone was wondering what we were doing out for so long…we just said talking. Later my cousin and his friend showed up, and my female cousin was on myspace in the living room, but she wasn’t looking in the best way for guests, so she went to her room as soon as she heard the door. I saw a myspace message thing come up and said she had a message. I txt’d her and told her. She asked me what it said. It said “where’s the party at?” Then she said do you want to go party tonight? I said you don’t even know where the party is at…She said, oh, we’ll find something to do. I told her I could take her to my other home. She asked what I meant. I told her I have a 2nd life out here…(my myspace, which I haven’t been on for almost a year, has comments from friends, and some put gay pictures and stuff all over my comments) and I asked her, have you not seen my myspace comments? She took a while but txt’d back that she kind of suspected, and that she loved me either way, and yadda yadda yadda. We then decided to go out, so about an hour later of her getting ready we drove off…just driving around, but I told her about everything I had been through and such, and she told me about her meth addiction problem at only 16, that only her immediate family knew about, and her relationship with this gangster hustler guy, that ended and prison, and she waited for him to get out, then moved in together…it didn’t end well…We are the same age, so we kind of connected in a sense that we’ve been through so much at a young age, unlike her older brothers, that haven’t even had a GF yet.
I REALLY NEED TO CUT THIS SHORT…But there’s still more.
Well, all that was on Saturday, I dropped off my cousin at her house at 4am, then I headed to my BFs house. I really didn’t plan on coming out to anybody else this weekend, and figured that was that. I had gotten my uncle’s number from my aunt, so I decided I might call him. When I got out of bed I went to my phone and had a txt message from my mom, just saying hi. Then something hit me and it dawned on me that I had to tell her…I don’t know why this thought came to mind…maybe I figured I should just get it over with. I tried calling her, but I couldn’t get through. After a few tries I txt’d her and said I was trying to call her, but it wasn’t working. (It turns out to dial a mobile number in Mexico you had to add an extra number somewhere in the middle… 
).
So after that I decided to talk to my uncle…I got his number and called him up. I felt weird doing this, since last time I had spoken to him was me typing hi in a chat window at my cousin’s house, and he was on webcam. And this was YEARS ago as well. He answered and I just said…hi uncle…this is Jaime, son of Lulu (my mom’s nickname). He said oh, hi how’s it going? I said ok…how are you? He said good, and you? Fine I said…then I told him I had spoken to my aunt yesterday and told her something about myself…that I was gay…and she told me you were too. (Once again, I felt weird calling out of the blue someone I hadn’t spoken to in YEARS and confront them about something like this…). He just said uh huh (he sounded kind of confused or shocked, probably, like I said, that all this came out of nowhere). I said well, I just didn’t know anyone else in the family was…He said that he was and that he’s glad I had the courage to call him about it. And that he admired me for going face to face with my aunt and telling her about it. He then said that growing up he had to take care of my mom every day…there was 11 siblings, and my mom was the youngest, and he was the next one up the ladder, so at only 5 he had to take care of my 3yo mom (my grandma had passed away around this time) and he took care of her most of her childhood. He said she like a daughter to him, and loved her more than anything, and the fact that I was her son meant he loved me as well. I was really glad to hear all this…I asked him if my mom knew about him, and he said yeah…it never had to be said, but she knows, all your uncles and aunts know.
I told him that it wasn’t so coming out to people as it was as explaining that I’ve been coming out here every weekend for a few years…and that I had a BF that was almost 3 times my age. He said he understood…that when he was 17 he had been with someone who was 40, so he knew my situation. He said he wanted to be there to guide me and such, and that he was once again very happy I confided on him. He knew I lived near him too, and apologized for never getting in contact with me…I did the same. He said his day off was Monday, and maybe we could get together sometime. I asked him if he was free tomorrow (meaning today) and he said to call him, he might be visiting his daughters in Pasadena (about 40 mins. from here). He said he didn’t have a car, but I told him it was fine, I could drive. So I will be calling him today about getting together tonight.
I was told by my aunt that he hasn’t had an easy life…with the divorce being one of them. Then he was really big depression moods, and was even about to attempt suicide at one point. He ended up on the streets in LA, homeless, living off government vouchers. He has since then recovered, and I think one of his exes got him the place is living at now, but he’s working and such. His health is really bad as well, but they’re not sure what it is, he just recently went to the doctor, so I don’t know what up with him. His two daughters (they’re like 23 or something) are on local TV here, and sing or some shit, but all I know is that they’ve treated him really badly, and haven’t made his life any easier. Anyways…I really look forward to meeting him and talking, it’s kind of cool having another relative who is also gay.
LIKE I SAID, I SHOULD CUT THIS SHORT, BUT THERE’S ONE MORE PART…
So after all this we hang up, and about 10 minutes later I get a call from my mom, she had read my txt and didn’t know why I wasn’t able to dial her. We spoke for about 15 minutes, about the usual, hi, how are you, what have you been up to. When she was getting ready to hang up, I told her I had something I had to tell her…she said what? I said it’s something really personal…(it was so hard for me to get the words out) she once again what is it? (in a worried tone). I said it’s about my orientation…her voices start cracking and I could hear her start to cry. She said, oh son, I love you no matter what. I kind of suspected already but I had to hear it from you. At this point she was balling, mostly because of the acceptance of all this. She said just promise me that you will be careful, as there a lot of people in that community that can be bad. I told her that I knew that, and that I wasn’t stupid…I would never associate with someone that wanted to cause me harm or hurt me. She said she was glad I got the courage to tell her all this, and that she loved me no matter what.
I then told her that there was more…I have been seeing someone for the last 3 years…and he’s older than she was. She said yeah…I figured it was the guy who paid for your trip to Italy, who I went with…I said yeah that was him. I told her the problem was that he is my family now, I have been with him for years, and when it comes to holidays and such, he is my family too and I would like to spend the holidays with him as well. She said that it was ok, if I ever wanted to go visit her (she lives in Cancun…no, not by the beach, and she’s not rich or anything), that we could go and stay in a hotel, if we didn’t feel comfortable staying at home, and we could get together during the day and such. This made me feel so good…I mean, this would totally change how I interact with my mom, and it would make me closer than ever. I was surprised she was so understanding. She once again told me to be careful and take care of myself…I told her I would be fine, and that I don’t deal with anyone that would hurt me.
I then told her that I had called my uncle…cause I knew he was gay too. She said yes…and if her and her siblings could accept him, there was no reason I wouldn’t be accepted. I told her we were going to get together and talk. She said she was really happy to hear that, and she too proceeded to tell me that he goes into deep depressions and such…and that hopefully getting to know me would help out some, for the both of us. She then said for me to never listen to what anybody else says about me or to me. To live my life how I want to live it, and that that’s all that matters. She told me she is with me no matter what, and that I have no reason to have to explain myself to anybody for any reason. We both stopped balling at this point and were able to calm down…we said our goodbyes and that was that. Later that night she txt’d me and asked if I was ok…I called her up and we spoke again, I said I was fine…then we spoke about other things that had been going on in our lives.
So that was that…the whole day my eyes hurt cause I was crying so much…I rarely cry, so maybe that had something to do with it. And it wasn’t out of sadness, but of happiness…Everyone in the world knew about me being gay and my BF, except for my family. Now, I no longer have to hide from anybody who I am or who I am with. And I even found out I have a gay relative out of it.
The most important relatives in my life know…all others can find out later, I really don’t care, and I am now free to be who I want to be.
