Well, no luck.
There are other things for me to discuss however. First of all, today IS Thanksgiving. That being said, I want thank Mr. Chaos for giving me back my privileges! I still can’t believe that this thread was unlocked. Other than being grateful that I was able to live for another thanksgiving, this year I felt kind of lonely. My family has been torn apart since 05 really and every year I pray that the next year is better.
Christmas 2008 was almost a wish come true, but then something happened and shattered my dream. That seems to always happen. What happened to the person I once was? How did I so easily allow things to harm me? I mean, I can easily ignore things on the outside, but things on the inside offer a very challenging battle. Sad to say it, but I don’t really have a family member I can turn to. Well, maybe my brother, but he’s going thru his own stuff.
Young are we so hard a law. How should we obey it? And our bodies they are young. Shall they have no say in it? Tell me. Please. I think that I cry myself to sleep during the holidays a little to often. Maybe because I’m no longer a child. Maybe because I feel that the person I once was has been killed.
Why did all of this have to happen to me? I mean, I’m not looking for an easy road. I’d just like for some angel to at least tell me that they care and that I’m heading on the right path. I don’t know how to start over. Every time I feel like I’m flying, I wake up and realize that my wings have been stripped. I put myself through hell just so hell wouldn’t push it’s self on me. For what? What did I actually accomplish? That I’m a survivor? That people actually do care when they have the feeling that I’ve been killed? Why not show me that you care while I’m alive and well? Why?
It hurts. It really does. What can ya do though? Just have to roll with the punches until you develop a thick shell. Well, I think I’ve already cased myself in a thick shell. That’s not a good thing. Sure, people say oh Torrie your beautiful, you can probably get anybody you want. Really? I can? Well, what about someone I need? I attract nutcases and I scare the good guys away. Or I run away. Either or, but none are directly an advert. I do my very best to shut up, suck up, and overcome. Faking it till I make it, but after years of this, my mind can no longer do what it was once capable of.
What happened to the person that I once saw in the mirror? Weakling.
Christmas is next month, and that spells the end for 10. Hopefully, 11 is better and I’m placing all of my bets that 11 will be my year to finally soar. Life is what you make of it. Ya know? I wanted to enter that MvC3 Art contest. Doesn’t matter if I won, so long as I was able to draw a great pic and have the guys at Capcom view it. Well, pic’s finished. Wasn’t able to send it in though. Well, I can wait another 10 years, right? lol
I surely hope everyone else had a great Thanksgiving with their families. With many many more in the near future. Come 2011, this old crab is dishing away that old shell and is going to finally live the life of a star. I’m gonna grasp this life tightly in my hands instead of allowing it to control me. My story is mine to write, so no more handing other people the pencil.
I’m a Queen in my eyes because in the eyes of others I’m a peasant. A peasant that will never gain the respect or the love of anyone but it’s own shadow. Hell, even my shadow leaves me at times.
Blah blah blah enough of this lol I’m still happy that at least I have one place I can go to when I’m feeling down:D
