81

Oh, and your av is top tier, Pin!

82

Skullo sat in the hotel room…pondering what to do. He was losing the ancient making ability bestowed upon him so long ago he couldn’t remember. He felt his pimp-slap hand growing weaker by the minute as it dawned upon him what he had to do.

Skullo: to himself I must go back to my original partner…and then to the council…I must…re-unite with Dan. Together, we must stop the power-hungry Sakura…defeat Bill Gates, and foil the Distinguished chaps.

Skullo got up, and began to walk out of the hotel room door, determined to find his long time buddy…the former Pimp Masta Dan.

then he realized…

he forgot his pants. And he closed the hotel room door…so it was locked, and his key was trapped in the back pocket of the aforementioned pants.

Skullo: to himself ah shit…

83

Morning finally dawned. Kyo Kusanagi decided to look sharp today with his meeting with a dance instructor, so he wore his '99 outfit. However, a shivering skeleton knocked Kyo to the ground and stole his pants.

Kyo: SHIT! THAT’S MY ONLY PAIR, ASSHOLE!!!

Defeated, Kyo had to go back to his room and change into a less inspiring costume.

Iori: BAM BAM BAM! FRUIT FLY FUCKA! BAM BAM BAM! CHICKEN ASS PLUCKA! BAM BAM BAM! BIG DICK SUCKA!!!

Sakura: I don’t think it’s very good.

Iori: I’M GONNA BE NUMBER ONE!!!

Sakura: You’re gonna need a manager, right? Turns out I took a little Economics class before I flunked high school.

Iori: That’d be sweet. Hey, turn on MTV. I gotta know who I should imitate before I call up an agent.

Sakura: …hey. It says that rock is dead and that neo-pop-rap is in.

Iori: …MOTHERFUCKERS!!! THEY SOLD OUT!!! MY DREAM IS DEAD!!!

Magneto was left wandering the streets of the ghetto, looking for a pimp to give him crack rocks. He tried to suck some bums, but that was worthless. Magneto’s magnetic powers were all but diminished.

Magneto: You gotta help me…I…need some crraacckk!!!..

Makoto: …Hey, Ibuki. Who’s he?

Ibuki: Probably some old manwhore looking for his pimp.

Makoto: But he looks so…weak. Weakness is sickly.

Ibuki: Well…what do you wanna do, make everyone a karate champion?

Makoto: …I like that idea.

Sagat and Balrog tracked down Sakura at McVaffe’s, the motel with free breakfast. Sagat barely entered the parking lot when he saw…

Adon: I was thinking about making him my punching bag from now on.

Birdie: He survived for four hours straight!

Shingo: …p.l…e…a…s…e. M…y…lungs…

Geki: He’s coughing up organs everywhere.

Adon: Wait!!! Put him down. I sense HIS presence.

Blanka: HMMAR!!!

Adon: Yes…Sagat.

Sagat: Adon…

Adon: SAGAT, YOU BITCH!!! YOU THINK YOU’RE THE FUCKING KING OF MUAY THAI?! WELL, HOW YOU GONNA EXPLAIN THAT AFTER I SLAP YOU WITH MY DICK?!

Akuma had a smile on his face for once. He was delightfully cooking some fries when he had just heard the news that Ryu got bitched a couple days ago. However, this happy mood of his was spoiled when he answered his cell phone.

Akuma: Akuma here.

McDonalds Exec: Hey, Akuma. Sorry to inform you that we’re changing the oil now.

Akuma: …yeah. That was pissing me off. This beef talon makes for some kick ass fries.

McDonalds Exec: We’re switching to a vegetable oil.

Akuma: I should march up to Hamburger U’ and SHIN GOUKI your ass. But I won’t. I’ll be using my own oil. And its not even beef talon. It’s gonna please the vegetarians and the customers.

Akuma hung up, still delighted that he had figured out how to extract the grease from a lock of Dan’s hair he snipped in their last fight to create a superior oil.

Dan: Master…I…can’t see.

Yoda: Parry my pimp blows, you must!

Dan couldn’t feel the direction the blows were coming in until he was hit by them. Dan’s vision was covered by a helmet.

Yoda: Trying to predict where I am, you are.

Dan: That’s how I’m supposed to do it, right?!

Yoda: No…extend ki beyond fist, you must do…

Dan: What?! Like this?!

Dan fired off a Gadoken. He was able to feel it when Yoda parried it…on his right hand side.

Dan: So that’s where you are…PIMP TAUNT!!!

Yoda was pushed back by the photo that Dan tossed of himself.

Yoda: Train your gadoken, you must…extend FAR beyond the fist, it shall.

Dan was beginning to feel the true powers of a pimp.

84

Meanwhile, at Justice High…

A gathering of a lot of the female students was listening to a very pissed off Kyoko, who was spouting stuff about how the female students weren’t taken into consideration by the school council and how they were badly treated in their schools too. She was about to finish her speech when…

Natsu : Look at THAT! What is this!?

It was Ryu, who was Air Tatsumaki SemPIMP Kyakuing towards Kyoko, fast. His foot made impact, and the luscious teacher was immediately branded as Ryu’s bitch. Ryu, not satisfied by this catch. Jumped off the stage and got ready to face the various projectiles he was being thrown. Being a mighty PIMP (in pimp rehab at least), he dodged them all easily. He moved on to Natsu, and HadouPIMPed her, another bitch. All of the females were getting scared and tried to flee. However, Ryu was alert, ShoPIMPkening Iincyo (Chairperson), Pimpkuu Hadoupimping Akira, Zaki and Yurika all at once. He then got ready for an almighy pimp slap on Momo. Saving the best for last, he stood in front of Ran Hibiki, and PIMP ShoPIMPkened her. Leaving her his bitch, for life. For kicks, he even got Roberto’s mom as his bitch.

Later on, in Ken’s cadillac helicopter.

Ken : DAYYYYYYUM! That was some mad pimping. I think it’s the biggest heist in the history of Shotopimps!

Ryu : …the pimping is all…

Ken : Yeah. Well, your second test is at hand…

85

I was bored so I decided to do a little research on this fic.

If you print it out as of now, using the print-friendly version of this thread, it would take 69 pages.

The possible story lines in this fic you can write about as of now are the following:

Dan & Yoda
Skullo & SOSP
May Lee w/HVB
Distinguished Chaps, where ever they are
Bill Gates & Shredder, the only other cronie revealed not sent out yet
Sodom & Rolento
Sean
Mel Masters & The Ham-Hams
Ryu & Ken
Eagle & his porn flicks
Blanka w/ Adon, Geki, and Birdie vs Balrog & Sagat
Kyo the dancer
Shingo, who’s fucked
Iori & Sakura
Akuma
Magneto, Makoto & Ibuki
Sho2 & his allies
Tiffany
Lilith the Trainee Pimp’s Ho

And probably a whole lot more I forgot. This means that this is one of those fics where anyone can just pick up and write. I wanna see how Sodom & Rolento joining Shotopimps is gonna develop…haven’t seen Tiffany or Lilith in a while, but only because I was the only one who wrote for them. :stuck_out_tongue:

86

Damn! That’s a lot of directions to go. Oh well, time for my next installment…

87

Dan continues his pimp training with Yoda.

Yoda: You must feel the ho’s around you!!!

Dan is standing in the middle of the training hall, his blast helmet still on. He is surrounded by Remote Ho’s, dashing left and right at alarming speeds.

Dan: No way, this is fuggin impossible.

Dan feels a blow to the back of his head. Yoda was the developer and undisputed master of the mental pimp smack.

Yoda: Concentrate you must! BITCH!!!

Suddenly, the door to the training hall bursts open, and Skullo runs through, wearing Kyo’s pants.

Yoda: Well well, Young Skullo it is, hmmm?

Dan throws off his helmet and turns.

Dan: SKULLO!!! Whud up, dawg!!! God, I thought I’d never see you again. I can feel myself growing stronger. I may become a Pimp Masta again. And that training ho, Lillith, is such a …

Skullo: Would you shut the fuck up for a moment?!?

The training hall is silent for a few moments.

Yoda: Speak you just did? Grave the situation must be…

Dan: Oh, shut up and take some grammar classes, old geezer!!! Skullo, why are you speaking? What about SOSP and your oath?

Skullo: I was tricked by that bitch Sakura. She fooled me into speaking up and banging her, while she tried to eliminate me and control Shotopimps. We have to stop her. Dan, I need your help. You are the only pimp powerful enough to save the oranization from a 3 front attack.

Dan: Damn strait I am. But first, we gotta talk to the SOSP council.

Skullo: What about your training?

Dan: Screw that crap, I’m ready.

Yoda: READY? What know you ready?..

Dan: Oh shut the fuck up already!!! busts a shinku Pimpdoken, incinerating the jedi master C’mon, buddy, lets go.

Skullo and Dan arrive at the council enterance.

Skullo: Wait here.

Dan: What!?! Why?

Skullo: After so many years in silence, the council has developed extreamly sensitive ears. Because of this, no speaking beyond this point. No offence man, but you’re to damn loud.

Dan: Fine, go then.

Skullo waved to his old friend, and walked through the door. The council was waiting there. Their faces were vailed in shadow, and their bodies were covered behind desks. Suddenly Skullo heard a booming voice within his mind.

Voice: SKULLOMANIA!!!

It was the voice of the council head. Although he could not physically speak, he could communicate telepathically.

Councilman: You have broken your oath to the organization, your vow of silence which is most sacred to you, for the sake of a woman who was obviously going to betray you. What do you have to say for yourself?

It was a trick question, obviously, for he was not allowed to speak, but he still needed to respond somehow. He did so in the only way he could.

Skullo: flips off council

Skullo could just make out a smile on the council head’s lips.

Councilman: I like that attitude. I’ll tell you what. If you can stop Bill Gates, Dismantle the Distinguished Chaps, and put Sakura in her place, without powers and without speaking, your membership will no longer be in jeapordy, and your powers will return.

Skullo:nods

88

Meanwhile, Eagle was filming ANOTHER porn film, called “SlammASSters”, it was the shining epic of a lifetime for Eagle. Up to now, the camera angles were perfect, the lighting was exquisite, and everyone had put on their best acts (much to Eagle’s enjoyment) and now it was time to shoot the final scene. An orgy scene starring former CWA champion (now porn star) Victor Ortega, former BWA leader The Scorpion (now partner with Ortega), Biff Slamkovich, Black Widow (Yes, she’s a woman) and Haggar’s daughter, Jessica. It was nearing the end of the scene too, and everything was perfect, however…

Widow : OWWWWWWWWW! DAMMIT!

Eagle, groaning : What’s wrong now?

Widow : He isn’t being gentle!

Ortega : Hey, I know my work bitch, now you shut up and and take it like a woman!

Eagle : Do as the old man says.

Ortega : HEY! NO DISSIN’ ON MY AGE, FOO!

Eagle : Don’t you mean, fool?

Ortega : Same shit, listen up “fool”, I’s been in this biz since I owned everyone in the CWA, I know what the fuck I’m doing, and it’s exactly that, fucking.

Scorp took offense, but it couldn’t be seen since he only frowned, and he had his trusty helmet on.

Eagle : The matter is that you are old.

Ortega : So what if I’s old, I’s probably have fucked more pussy in this second than you have fucked in your lifetime!

Eagle took offense, insult his english heritage, maybe, insult his mannerisms and way of talking, okay. Doubting his flaming homo…err, heterosexuality was a VERY serious offense, one that he was very susceptible to.

Eagle : WHY YOU MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A FUCKING FUCK BITCH FUCKER! I’VE FUCKED A LOT O’ PUSSY IN MY DAYS AND IT’S NOT YOU OR YOUR HELMET-WEARING PARTNER THAT’S GONNA TELL ME WHAT I FUCK, UNDERSTAND!?!?

Ortega : We’re not getting paid enough for this, come on Scorp.

Scorp : nods

They go the fuck away, it leaves Biff standing there, looking like a hunky Ruskie.

Eagle : crying Damnation…it was supposed to be the porn masterpiece, it was supposed to be the best thing to ever jack off to…I will have my revenge Ortega and Scorp…oh yes…and I will have my revenge against everyone! STARTING WITH THE COMPANY WHICH TOLD ME TO HANDLE THESE TWO! The SHOTOPIMPS!

And with that, he became Evil Eagle, and went to search for the Distinguished Chaps, enemies of the Shotopimps.

Ortega, being a registered level 3 pimp “Lil’Pimp”, although if you called him that he’d Knuckle Big Bang Pimpslap them, which doesn’t sound too friendly, if you ask me. Scorp never did much of anything, he too was a Level 5 pimp, much like Skullo, also a member of the SOSP. In fact, when Skullo had done what he did and went on his mission to destroy Bill Gates. Scorp had been contacted telepathically.

Council : You must help Skullo in defeating Bill Gates without his powers. Make sure Skullo never talks. Understand?

Scorp : makes electricity run through his body with a crackling sound

Council : Good.

Ortega : What’s the faze-out man?

Scorp : holding up a finger, heroically

Ortega : You mean we must help an oathbreaker from the SOSP regain his powers by defeating someone named Bill Gates which is a threat to Shotopimps and to the world in general?

Scorp : nods

Ortega : Okay, let’s get BIZZAY!

And they drove off in the distance

89

Why did Sakura turn to the path of pimphood, despite her misbegotten means? Today we present to you THE ORIGIN OF SAKKY.

She couldn’t contain her excitement as she dashed across the street to the first house she would begin her fund raising for the organization. She was eight years old, and she just joined the Girl Scouts. Little Sakky knocked on the door cautiously, and anxiously. Finally, an old heavyset woman opened the door, and Sakky fidged her little skirt.

Sakky: Ex-cuuuse me ma’mn! Would you like to buy a box of cookies?

The primitive looking woman had only a rock hard stare under her neanderthal’s unibrow for Sakky. Sakky’s childish smile never faded. Not even after the old bitch slammed the door in Sakky’s face. But it was after the 13th time she got a door slammed that Sakky’s faith in herself was shattered. She wandered the streets that night, too ashamed to return home. Then, she saw, for the first time…a pimp. And his ho.

It was Jack Nicholson, pimping some random bitch named Denise. After a successful speech about how Denise “blows harder than a windmill,” a man in his car opened the passenger side door and allowed the woman in. Nicholson recieved a wad of bills. Sakky got some inspiration.

The next day, she found an attractive woman leaning against a newstand.

Sakky: 'scuse me. Is you a ho-ho?

The woman nodded. She was too busy smoking a blunt to notice that a little girl was talking.

Sakky: OKAY!!! EVERYBODY LISTEN!!! THIS HO-HO CAN BLOW HARDER THAN A WINDMILL!!!

A man dashed from around the corner and asked little Sakky how much that would be. Sakky said “three ninety-nine,” which was as much as a box of her cookies cost. The man, startled, asked if he could just give her “one twenty.” She agreed, and was handed one hundred twenty dollars. It was on that day that Sakky decided to research the world of pimphood.

Mel Masters: Toonami’s kinda gay now. Guess I should start watching Adult Swim.

May Lee: THE ULTRA HEROIC SOLDIER OF JUSTICE MAY LEE REPORTING FOR RECONISANCE, LORD BATMAN!!!

Batman: Continue…

May Lee: MAY LEE HAS DISCOVERED THIS!!! IT’S A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION PROBABLY MEANT FOR DISTRIBUTION AMONGST YOUR EVIL ROGUES GALLERY!!! ITS A GIANT LAZER BEAM GUN THING!!! SOMETHING’S INSCRIBED ON IT TOO!!! IT SAYS, “TO YOU, MY DEAREST SON MEL- DADDY.” ISN’T IT SENTIMENTAL?!

Batman: Interesting. From the angle at which the trigger is curved, the shade of color the weapon is, and the density it is when you drop it into a tub of grape Kool-Aid, I have deduced that this is a Hyper Viper Beam, bought by millionaire Ken Masters from the mutant Cable, and given to his son Mel Masters as a birthday present.

May Lee: SHOULD I ACHIEVE JUSTICE ON THE OFFENDERS?!

Batman: Let us not, May Lee. Instead, why don’t you, Batgirl, and Catwoman jump into the jacuzi?

May Lee: SURE THING!!!

Ken: Are you sure you’re up to it Ryu?

Ryu: I have to be.

Ken: Alright. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t.

Ryu: I need to perfect my art, Ken!

Ken: And so it shall be.

Ken let Ryu walk through the doors that led to the studio…the studio where Oprah is filmed. Ryu had to fulfill this one final task; to pimp Oprah.

Adon launched towards Sagat and lunged at him with a kick.

However, Sagat calmly crouched…

Adon leaped over Sagat, and geared to elbow him as he descended.

However, Sagat calmly punched the air.

Adon was knocked out. On that day, Adon learned the respect the Crouching Fierce.

90

:lol:

Could write one for my X-Men if I don’t get around to it in the next day or so?

91

Sorry. I’m afraid I’m not an X-Men aficionado.

92

May Lee: DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE PROTECTION OF MANKIND?!

Batman: Just get into the jacuzi.

May Lee: FINE!!!

Shingo seemed pretty hopeless. He had just lost most of his organs, and looked to be dying.

Shingo: What am I going to do?

Suddenly a foot comes out of nowhere and kicks Shingo senseless

Dhalsim: Bitch #1…

93

Makoto : Yes…making everyone Karate Champions will give my dojo great reputation! Thank you Ibuki for giving me this idea!

Ibuki : thinking…as if that’s ever going to happen…

Makoto : Okay! Big guy in red, do you want to learn Karate?

Magneto : …craaaaaaaaaaaaaack! I need some, man, you got some, man?

Makoto : Uh…okay. I will give you this “crack” you speak of if you become my karate student! Deal?

Magneto : DEAL! WHERE’S THE CRACK!?

Makoto : After you become a karate champion!

Magneto : Naw, you dddddon’t uuuunderstand, I needdd that crack NOW!

Makoto : LATER! The road to a karate champion is self-discipline!

Magneto : realizing he will not get crack if he continues arguing Okay…

Ibuki : secretly to Makoto Where are you going to get crack?

Makoto : secretly to Ibuki I don’t even know what crack is!

Ibuki : You’re so clueless, you need to get laid.

Makoto : What is this “getting laid” you speak of?

Ibuki : shuts her mouth

As such, they continued to walk around Detroit, to find her second student and teach the ropes to Magneto, that damn crack addict. Who better to stumble onto than KIM KAPHWAN and his RAGTAG BAND OF SUPERHEROES CHANG AND CHOI! They were sitting down at a bar, Kim was drinking his milk and Chang and Choi were getting a wee bit drunk.

Chang : You should try this Kim, it’s good shit.

Kim : No! Alcohol is a temptation! I only brought you here for you to resist it!

Choi : Hmph! Makes more for us.

Kim simply slap kicked the two.

Makoto : Hey you three! Do you want to become my karate students!?

Chang & Choi : realizing two schoolgirls are asking them to become their students YES! OH GOD YES!

Kim : Wait a minute! I am reforming these dangerous criminals by inducing them to the rigorous training of Tae Kwon-Do!

Makoto : Yeah, but Karate’s cooler.

Kim : BLASPHEMY!

Magneto : CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Kim : What!? Are you giving your students illegal drugs in order to make them perform better!?

Makoto : You’re the one to talk! You’re the one teaching criminals to fight!

Kim : NO MATTER! I MUST REFORM YOU! PREPARE TO BE TAUGHT THE TRUE ESSENCE OF TAE KWON-DO!

As such, they started to fight.

94

Skullo walks out of the SOSP HQ.

Dan: So what happened, dawg?

Skullo signs the situation to Dan

Dan: Hmm…I see. Well, lets just go and beat down these mutha fuggas so you can get back into SOSP, I can regain my title as pimpmasta, and maybe actually make some headway in this insane plotline. WHO WRITES THIS CRAP ANYWAY?!?

The writers are in a back alley, smoking a bong.

m121akuma: Pass the vodka.

Igotana: You finished off the last bottle, remember?

Bowling Pin: WHAT?!? YOU BASTARD!!!

BP proceeds to rip out m121’s spleen.

Back to our heroes…

A huge rumble shakes the Earth. Dan hides behind his car.

Dan: What the fuck was that?

Skullo points to his stomach.

Dan: Yeah, I guess I’m kinda hungry too. Let’s get some food.

Dan and Skullo bust into Panera’s Breads. Dan walks up to the counter. An attendant is working the oven, his back turned to the pink-clad pimp.

Dan: Listen up bitch. I want 2 cheese danishes, and 2 pink lemonaides!!! Let’s hurry it up too, I ain’t got all day!!!

The attendant turns around, eyes burning with rage.

Akuma: Aren’t you tired of getting your ass whupped by now?

Dan: OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

NM, BP took care of it…

95

Kyo Kusanagi ran like hell to the address he kept in his pocket; the address of Rose’s Dance Academy. He had to make sure that he couldn’t be seen in his embarassing tutu since his pants got stolen by some strange skeleton man earlier this morning. By the time he had reached Rose’s he had been groped and molested some nine tmies. But he was glad to have made it; this is where the dancers are born! Miss Rose’s strict lessons are known all throughout the world. Kyo was happy to finally enter the building that was all too familiar to him, thanks to the magazine articles and pictures he found on the Internet. He will become a dancer!

Kyo walked across a hallway studded with fine art, he traversed a stairway studded with golden crystal steps, and nearly tore his pink stockings. He opened the door leading to the studio, and got kicked right in his temple.

Rose: You don’t have the intuition a psychic has, I suppose.

Kyo: Sorry Miss Rose! That’s why I traveled all the way from Japan to learn from the best! Once long ago I was the king of fighters, but now I aspire to become the king of dancers!

Rose: A very ambitious goal, Mr. Kusanagi…don’t wonder about how I knew your name, I read your mind. However, you have tough competition from my other, probably better students.

From under Rose’s arm popped Rainbow Mika and Yuri Sakazaki.

R. Mika: He doesn’t look too hard Miss Rose! Can I suplex him?

Yuri: j0 |)0//'7 6075 t3|-| //\4|) 5|<1ll5!!!

Rose: Yuri…no l337 may be spoken here.

Yuri: Sorry…mutters //\4|) ll4//\4…

Evil Ryu: Hey, are we gonna find daddy yet?

Ass Bandit: I dunno, just keep looking while I find some asses.

Evil Ryu and his partner Ass Bandit were wandering a familiar street near a little motel called McVaffe’s and saw a couple of good looking asses to rob.

Dan Hibiki and Skullo were wandering a familiar street near a little motel called McVaffe’s and saw a guy that looked like a Hispanic Ryu and a black Mega Man carrying a sack of asses.

Dan: Yo, Skullo…you sure this were you left the bitch?

Skullo: nods

Dan: Good…been meaning to FORCE PARRY that shit!

Dan checked for wax in his ear with his finger and found a tiny spider in it. While he was mesmorized by the little creature on his index finger, he felt someone on his ass. Skullo realized before it was too late that this little robot was the infamous Ass Bandit. Skullo whipped out a laptop computer and typed something out for Dan to read, after kicking Ass Bandit across the street.

Dan: “Dan, that’s Ass Bandit, the robot who Shotopimps got BEEF with.” Oh shit, really?! I bet I’ll have Ken sucking my dick long after I fuck this fool up!

Skullo took back the laptop, wrote a little more, and gave it back to Dan.

Dan: “That over there is Evil Ryu, Ryu’s bastard son.” Oh shit. You think he’s gonna fuck us up?

Evil Ryu: pointing to Dan You look like…DA…DADDY?!

Dan: Aw shit.

Bill Gates was smiling at his perfect white teeth in the bathroom mirror when his head started to hurt again…

?: Gates, it is time, strike back and get everything you want!!!

Bill Gates: …NO!!! I’M NOT GONNA LET YOU TAKE ME OVER ANYMORE!!!

?: FOOL, IT WAS I THAT MADE YOU!!!

Bill Gates: THAT’S IT! I’M MY OWN MAN!!! I’M NOT GOING TO LET YOU TAKE OVER EVERYTHING THAT’S MINE!!!

?: …With those words, you have sealed your fate!

A spirit quickly left Bill Gates’ body and formed a physical body…

Bill Gates: …Do I…do I stand a chance?!

Sheng Long: No, you do not!!!

Bill Gates was knocked out of the Word, falling to his doom. Sheng Long walked out of the bathroom in the Word and greeted Bill Gates’ former employee.

Sheng Long: Shredder…the Microsoft empire belongs to me now.

Shredder: I don’t remember working for you…

Shredder’s battle aura grew so great that he was transformed into PSYCHO SHREDDER and blew the whole Word to bits, leaving a floating Sheng Long in the air.

Sheng Long: You wish to fight me?! The mighty spirit of the dragon?!

Psycho Shredder: I stand a chance, and tonight I will dine on dragon soup!!!

Edit: Oh shit, another chapter was written while I wrote mine. Let’s correct that!

Before all that happened, Akuma was staring at Dan again, in front of HIS counter, trying to order HIS food.

Dan: Oh shit…uh…

Skullo: gives Akuma an olive branch

Akuma: What? An olive branch? This must be a sign of true friendship.

Dan: Huh?

Akuma: Alright. There’s no beef between us anymore. Get it? Beef? I sell beef!!! And other foods as well.

Dan: Uh, alright then…you’re not gonna fuck me up?

Akuma: As long as you pay for the food.

Dan: …WELL ALRIGHT THEN!!!

And the rivalry between Akuma and Dan ended. Their stomachs filled, Dan and Skullo went to McVaffe’s to locate the missing Sakura and bring her to justice.

Akuma’s cell phone rang.

Akuma: What is it?

Birdie: Akuma!!! Sagat came with Balrog and FUCKED Adon up!!!

Akuma: ADON?! He’s my best McDonald’s employee! SHIT!!! Where are you? In the hospital?! I’ll be there…right away…then you’ll give me all the details on these “Sagat” and “Balrog” characters.

He shut off his cell phone and ran with the speed of a ninja to the hospital, to visit his ill comrade.

96

Evil Ryu : pointing at Dan Father

Dan : Yes son

Evil Ryu : I want to kill you…

Dan gulped, but got ready to pimpslap this manwhore.

Evil Ryu : pointing at Skullo Mother…

Skullo : flips him off

Evil Ryu : I WANT TO FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!

Meanwhile, in Ortega’s mad '69 golden Chevy.

Ortega : Scorp mah man, I’s need some fucking ho’s!

Scorp : nods

Ortega : Okay, I’s wanna hit the football game to get myself some cheerleading hos. You down with that?

Scorp : no sign

Ortega : What’s yer problem man?

Scorp : holding up a sign that says “Skullo’s in trouble, we have to help him. Also, ALL ARE MY PREY!”

Ortega : Well, shit. Lemme drive up to where they were.

Which they did.

[Edit : If anyone gets the joke behind Evil Ryu’s speech, kudos to them for liking a fucking ass good song]

97

Ryu shoved the door in front of him to enter the studio where Oprah was being filmed. He calmly walked down the aisle to the platform where Oprah was speaking to Dr. Phil of ways to cure troubled relationships. Ryu continued walking, and started gaining attention from other members of the audience, surprised by this odd karate man’s seemingly aggressive progression towards Oprah. Oprah herself was too busy munching on bon bons hidden in her pocket to notice. A security guard found Ryu and hastily tried to escort him off the premesis, only to be pushed aside by the mighty pimp parry. Ryu stood now, several feet in between him and the anti-ho. Dr. Phil finally noticed Ryu, and made the mistake of talking to him.

Dr. Phil: Sir, did you know that you could be spending time with your mother instead of stirring up trouble like this?

Ryu: …

Ryu shot a Hadoken at Dr. Phil, hurling the man through the wall. Ryu clasped his hands together and lit his hands up with a glowing blue flame of ki. By this time, the audience and the stage hand had left, leaving Ryu alone with Oprah.

Ryu: I…NEED THIS!!!

Oprah: Bon bons taste goooood. What was it you’re saying?

Ryu charged towards her and pounded her chest with his glowing hands, and fired away the Shinkuu Hadoken! She was clearly in range when she was hit, but she seemed uneffected. Oprah started to growl and she started to drool as she walked towards Ryu. Unexpectedly, she teleported and swiftly elbowed the back of Ryu’s head, knocking him down. Ryu was out for mere seconds when Oprah placed her foot on him in victory. Ryu took this moment to launch her several feet in the air with his patented Shoryuken. Before she fell to the ground, she disappeared. Ryu was prepared and executed a roundhouse kick behind him. He wouldn’t be fooled twice. He found a bon bon on the floor.

Ryu: …you want this?!

Oprah enthusastically opened her mouth wide, and Ryu shot a Hadoken into it. He ran to his fallen prey, and checked for vital signs.

Ryu: Bitch, I will pop your breasts if you don’t answer me.

Oprah started to moan.

Ryu: My name is Ryu, and starting today, I am your pimp.

Ken was watching from a distance outside the studio. He strolled on in after the battle was won.

Ken: Well, you did it Ryu. I think you’ll be needing this.

Ken handed Ryu a white feather and a coat.

Sean: Well…um…what exactly do you HAVE to offer to us?

Sodom: I’m JAPANESE!!!

Rolento: I am awesome.

Sean: Oy…

Evil Ryu pussy smacked Dan whom he misidentified as his father, Ryu. Dan swatted away Evil Eyu’s pathetic attempts to touch the revived pimp.

Dan: Too fucking easy.

Evil Ryu: Why aren’t you letting me hit you?!

Dan: I don’t have time for this shit!

Dan slapped Evil Ryu with an autographed photo of himself, knocking the wind out of Evil Ryu. Skullo waited for Ass Bandit to scurry to him, and kicked Ass Bandit on top of Evil Ryu.

Dan: I think this shit’s done for. Now let’s find that bitch so I can get my pride back.

Sakura: So rock is dead?

Iori: NO!!! ROCK’LL NEVER DIIIIIEEEEE!!!

A distraught Iori put on a Rolling Stones CD and tuned it to Sympathy for the Devil.

Sakura: If you need a little cash on the side while you’re here, I know the perfect way to make good money fast.

Iori: …ROCK’LL NEVER DIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! But I’m interested.

Sakura: Do you know about the pimping game, Mr. Yagami?

Sheng Long hit Psycho Shredder with himself (since he’s like a Shoryuken). However, Psycho Shredder blocked and Sheng Long got hit.

Sheng Long: IMPOSSIBLE! I CAN’T BE HARMED! I AM ONLY A DRAGON PUNCH, AND I DON’T EVEN EXIST!!!

Psycho Shredder: Well, I can’t be harmed since you get hurt if I’m blocking.

The two continued to fight DBZ style, with no apparent victor.

Dhalsim and Sally found themselves looking with pity at Shingo Yagami and another poor schmuck named Sie Kensou. Dhalsim’s son Yatta then dragged in Dhalsim’s Bitch # 3, Benimaru. Dhalsim had dragged these three poor fools back to his home land of India.

Dhalsim: You three are pitiful. Bitches in their own right.

Sally: Aw, but this one is a cutie.

Sally seductively winked at Shingo Yagami, who’s wounds were healed magically.

Dhalsim: Before I healed him he was nearly dead. You three warriors will train under my tutelage and will rise to the top of the Caste System to become…TOP TIER.

The three fighters’ eyes widened at the opportunity to knock the others off their pedastalls to become top tier.

98

Akuma shows up at Adon’s hospital room. Blanka and Birdie stand by the bed where Adon lays.

Akuma: What the fuck happened here!!!

Birdie: We were just chillin’ at McVaffe’s…y’know, beatin the snot out of this annoying little prick…when Sagat showed his fucking head in the parking lot!!! Adon went out to fight him, an got C. Fped!!!

Akuma: ominously So, he has unlocked the power of the Crouching Fierce…This will come to no good. Birdie! Round up all of my best agents and Fast Food workers! Go and kick Sagat’s pussy ass!!! I’d do it myself…but I still have work to do at my restaurants. Oh, and take this wierd punk with ya, he might come in handy.

Blanka: Rowwr?

Akuma: Okay, you’re just sick…

Meanwhile, two shadowy figures appear out of a manhole in the middle of Woodward. As the light of the streetlights shine on them, it can be determined that one is a small figure with a blue robe and a brown, pointy hat. The other is another small figure, with red hair and armor to match.

Black Mage: Remind we why we just spent 4 hours crawling around a sewer…

Fighter: Cuz I lost my sword down there!

Black Mage: We didn’t find any sword down there, though!!

Fighter: Well, that’s the funny thing. It turns out that my sword was shiethed the whole time!

BM: So why did we just wander there for hours?!?

Fighter: Because I needed to find my sword, duh.

BM: Why do I let you live?!?!?!?

Fighter:…I like swords…

BM: Urge to destroy world…rising…

Fighter: Hey, what’s this? pulls knife from back

BM: Oh, silly me, how did that get there? takes knife whisper Come back to papa, baby…

Suddenly, and overwhelming odor came over the blue robed mage…something which was irresistable.

BM: PIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

BM runs across the street to the nearby “Bakers Square”

Fighter: Maybe they have swords too…jogs after BM

BM enters the restaurant…only to find a huge line of people in front of him.

BM: I don’t have time for this crap…I’m hungry!!!fires a hadoken at the crowd, which is incinerated There we go.

BM shuffles up to the counter, where the clerk stares at him with eyes filled with rage.

Akuma: I just get back to work, and this is the crap I have to put up with? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?

BM: Not “who I think I am”, but “what I think you should be doing”, which is making me some fuggin pie!

Akuma: Oh HELLL no…

99

Kyo was training hard under Rose’s tutelage, he was getting better at being a dancer. However, his final test was nearing. Combining his special moves with his dancing techniques, he was getting to be a DANCE MASTAH, one of the most reckoned forces of the century. Closer and closer he was getting there…

Rose : STOP!

Kyo : still dancing Aw, do I have to?

Rose : Yes, Kyo, you must. It is now time for your final test.

Kyo : Yay! Final test for dancing! I can do this! goes starry-eyed

Rose hit him with her scarf.

Rose : QUIET! You must now face two of your fellow students…AND WIN!

Kyo : As if I didn’t expect that…

Rose : MIKA! COME HERE!

She hopped around, then pounced on Kyo. Kyo gracefully did a ballet hop into his Orochi Nagi. Mika was sent flying into the window.

Rose : Impressive, but can you defeat 1337 Yuri?

Kyo : I can defeat her, with my DANCE MASTAH powers!

Rose : WHAT!? YOU ACHIEVED DANCE MASTAH!?

Kyo : Yes…teacher. I have achieved DANCE MASTAH with strength, dedication, and the power of friendship!

Rose : But you haven’t got any friends here.

Kyo : I needed a third thing, and the power of my wang sounded too stupid.

Rose : Damn straight it sounded stupid. Well, now face 1337 Yuri.

1337 Yuri : |)4|^ - |-|4|^ . j00 //|11 ||3/4|^ 834^|^ |/|3!!!1111

Kyo : Put your skills where your mouth is! That is, on my dick!

1337 Yuri then kneed him in the balls.

Kyo : OWWWWWWW! Now, to summon my DANCE MASTAH powers!

Kyo had a corny transformation scene, but under the cover of the transformation scene…he was really doing his No Style move on 1337 Yuri, which also got sent out the window, landing on top of Rainbow Mika.

Kyo : I have defeated your war…err…dancers!

Rose : Kyo, you have done well in defeating them…and in those moves you made, you have done them with grace, which is the mentality of a dancer. Always work with grace and beauty.

Kyo : I just love what I do.

Rose : Wow, this simple speech upon the reasons why you are so beautiful when you dance is correct and sexually appealing at the same time. Love me.

And this is how Kyo first got some.

100

:lol::lol::lol: