When I was REALLY young I used to sneak away sales catalogs so I could practice kissing the models on the cover. Strange shit. Dunno where that came from. But I also remember knowing exactly what boobs looked like based on the shape of them inside of clothing and from how mine looked. I also knew that I liked them very much. I was extremely frustrated that I couldn’t figure out how a vagina looked, though. I knew there was a hole there, just not at all sure of what it was supposed to look like. How the fuck do they pee?
I probably started fappin later than most though. Not sure why, I liked the idea of sex, I just had no clue about it other than boobs and women with pretty faces are awesome! When I finally did start fappin it was to the ye ole catalog models again. Any advertisement with a lingerie section was copped immediately. I mostly fapped to the model’s faces until I discovered panty hose and legs. When my sister for her first Fredrick’s of Hollywood catalog I nearly fainted from getting the mail. My mom was a sports freak so I eventually got the swimsuit edition. Wow. Sheer swimsuits was yes. Photography mags, travel mags, exercise videos and mags where all game and I fapped to them.
Then I discovered that there were sexy things on television sometimes. During the summer I would stay up late to watch those phone sex commercials. Those are still hot to me now, even though they don’t come on anymore. I called a few. Got in trouble, of course. On TV back then there was a lot of late night movies instead of infomercials like there are now. Every now and then one would have a boob pop out. PBS always had boobs on screen. Benny Hill was my shit. In fact, I take back what I said earlier, I know where my fascination with boobs came from. It was from Benny Hill. I used to watch that shit when I like 4 because it was hilarious!
Probably why I wanted to kiss those models, too. I used to watch the fuck outta PBS all the time even aside from fappin.
It took me a while to get to actually watch full fledged porno. We had no cable, so even the softcore shit was out. My friend’s house had it though, so he showed me the scrambled trick. My sister had it and I finally watched softcore when I stayed with her. That Cinderella porno on Showtime was hilarious. A snip-snappin’ pussy!
But my sister also had something better: a girl about my age that she used to keep who became my first girlfriend. Didn’t fuck her, but man, that was an awesome summer. Porn was on hiatus until we broke up the following year.
Later, since I was the oldest of my friends, when I was able to buy porno I was the go to man. My friends and I bought some playboys and a swank mag.
I kept those for a bit, but by then I was an adult and started fucking around with girls I worked with and slowly lost the thrill of porno. By then it was too easy anyhow. Just hit up the computer lab at school and instant gratification. that never sat well with me. It took the intimacy out of fappin (LOL I sound like a bitch, but it’s true) and removed 90% of the thrill, primarily getting caught, and the physical interaction with the pages. Somehow it was different than video porn as well, even. Back then the quality was iffy, took too long to download and to find. With video pornos you were kinda stuck with what you had so you fapped it out even though it may or may not have been the best.
Porn is just a parody of itself today. Porn isn’t something you own anymore, it’s an experience. But, that experience isn’t an adventuresome one like it was in my time. The exploration and curiosity of finding what you like is still there, but without any barriers to meter them. I’m not saying that it’s dangerous, only that it’s a bit lazy and perhaps less inclined to inspire some sort of pubescent rite of passage that allows you to comfortably grow into a sexually-informed adult. I also think that Internet porn in particular is a bit more dangerous, since it tends to require a bit of technical competence to pull off. You’ve got malware, site history, sudden LOUD NOISES, slow computers and internet problems all working against you to get you caught. Growing up in a highly controlled environment where sex was considered taboo, I know what it’s like to dread getting caught, and I shudder to think about kids who have it far worse than I did (my parents were pretty liberal compared to most of my friends) and could even receive abuse because of what their own body naturally became inclined to do, yet was denied out of ignorance, fear, shame and tradition. That scares me, that some poor kid’s PornHub jaunt showing up in browser history could end up with him getting beaten. Sure it happened in the past too, but like most things, computers just make it easier.
So here’s to porn and all the round about ways we discover it, seek it out and come to either love it, or simply see it as another part of life. After all, that’s all it really is. Porn is sex, and sex is life.
